LOTR

This week has been, and is, the most work filled week of the semester. For the first time in nearly 4 months I am having to be a student! With this onslaught of homework bearing down on me I made the wise decision to watch the whole Lord of the Rings series. No, not one of the movies...all 9 hours of them!

Hey! I spread it out over two days! So negative!

As a Christian you often hear of how God is able to take our bad choices and missteps and use them for His glory. Point proven! Just kidding. Last night I think I prayed one of the most heart felt prayers I have prayed in a long time...if not ever. This prayer, which I will say was a "good" prayer (for all of you out there who rate them), came after watching The Return of the King. I shed tears during this prayer. That has to add at least 2 points to my score...probably the 2 points that you subtracted from the prayer being inspired by a multi-million dollar motion picture.

In all honesty, the prayer was not inspired by the motion picture but rather by my own failings. I have to tell you, I love Jesus so much! When I say this I must clarify that this is not the super-spiritual young man, formerly known as "pastors son", speaking. This is the broken, flesh indulging, flesh hating, torn prince of the Kingdom of God speaking. No longer will I say "I love Jesus" to convince anyone of my sincerity or to appear as a "legit" Christian. I have been broken much and have fought too hard to care what appearance I bear for the Christian realm to criticise. The love of which I speak is one that has been mixed with the failings of my flesh and is fueled by the cravings of my spirit.

This love would not be pure in your eyes. This love would make you shiver. This is love given by a prostitute to her maker. A love poured out through the tool of her seduction, criticized by all who look on. My love is not pretty. My love is not cleaned up. My love is not consistent in my action.

But it is mine! It is mine to give to whomever I wish.

My choice? I chose you, Jesus Christ...He is the only one who would take this love- him and all the other screw ups who can appreciate true love.

True Love. Question Mark.
What is true love? Is it the "perfect" love? Is it the cleaned up, present it with a ring, love? Is it the take me home and show me to your parents love? If it is....God is not my "true love".

My love is not perfect. My love is not cleaned up. My love would make your parents cringe..."that boy cries too much...he doesn't have a job!?". And I certainly don't have enough money to present it with a ring! Unless, Jesus likes Cracker Jacks.

Good thing true goes further than pretty and perfect. I do in fact have true love. I do in fact have integrity. I am an honest enough man to tell you, Jesus, that sometimes I don't feel like I love you. Sometimes I question you. Sometimes I don't want anything to do with you! Sometimes you make me so mad! Sometimes I prostitute myself to another. Sometimes I even enjoy my sin! Let's face it, if it wasn't enjoyable it wouldn't trip me up. Sometimes, through my actions, I say that your grace isn't enough.

But I'm here. I will always be here! I will be me. I will not pretend to be anyone else...ever again! I desire all of you. I want you! Every day I crave you more! Every day I become more like you. I can't go a day without you. Your grace is enough! You are enough! Someday I will live this out. I am trying so hard! But someday...

This is what my love is. You find it beautiful. You find it perfect. You find it true. That is what I love about you. You love mankind. You love the raw, broken, sincere, truthful cries of your creation. You love genuine people- messed up people. I worship you for this. I worship you in truth....the truth of all my crap, all my failings, all my misconceptions....all of me. The true me!! With that, me, I will worship you! You desire nothing more than that! Nothing else pleases you more.

Jesus, you are my true love.

Lord of the Rings....Love of my Life