June 10th, 2008

So today is my birthday.

I always have really interesting birthdays. It is like every once in a while God takes my birthday and uses the events of it to teach me a lesson to further prepare me for his plan. Today was no exception.

My day started this morning at approximately 3:30 AM. As of late I haven't been sleeping very well, it is like I am in a daze a lot of time- you know, that type of sleep where you are thinking/dreaming but for some reason you can't enter into real sleep (maybe you don't know).

It was in this state that I heard my mother's voice calling me from the darkness.

"Brandon, come here!"
"What!?"
"Brandon, come here...there is a guy laying in the road"
"Huh...?"

I got up, climbed the stairs out the basement, and found my mom "frantic".

"There is a guy laying in the road...there is another guy and they can't find him"

My mom was shaking.

I had no idea what was going on. My mom is freaking out, she is talking about some guys outside the house, and there she stands with the door open looking out.

"Get away from the door."...We need to call the cops.

I looked out and didn't see anyone....until my mom pointed him out.

In a few moments what had happened would come pouring in with intense clarity...with this realization would come many thoughts.

It took a moment but I saw the guy lying on the left side of the road. The cop leaning over to speak to him. A car, split in two halves, lying scattered across my neighbor's driveway and the road. A telephone pole sawed in half lying across the road. The guy, the young man, was not moving.

Darkness filled the morning air. One cop, one body, a split car, a hint of death trying to creep into the atmosphere. My mother prayed.

In a matter of what seemed to be forever-drawn-out-minutes ambulances, fire trucks, and a slew of cops filled the corner, lawns, and roads surrounding my house. The police officers with mission minded intensity searched, in the casted light of flashlights, yards and trees. The police, as a result of finding a shoe not belonging to the young man lying on the ground, were searching for another passenger from the car. He could have run or been thrown; seeing the car, the first option was probably not all that likely. The impact could have left him anywhere.

A high speed chase at 3:30 in the morning, turned off lights (that is what people said), an explosion filling the air, sparks filling the sky, darkness overtaking.....a body of a boy in critical condition.

I have been overwhelmed by death. When you are dreaming from the outside...let me say, when real life and demanded action come there is a lot more uncertainty, a lot more fear, a realization that death is an option. As I thought of that unmoving, uncomforted body lying in the road (I don't know if the young man lived or died) I was taken to Rwanda, I was taken to the Congo, I was taken to places where death was and is an option, where life can be stripped so quickly, places that leave me weak, scared, and questioning if I could bring life, if I will live.

My life is in the hands of God. I "rest" (more like talk myself into it sometimes) knowing that my life is in God's hands, that my obedience and God's protection are at work, that God will use me despite my perception of me being inadequate.

I am being prepared and shaped through the some of the most pain and uncertainty I can remember. I am being equipped and empowered to look death in the face knowing that I have been given something greater and more powerful than even death itself.

Reader, death is an option. Surrender to God. Surrender your life to the love, identity, and purpose of Jesus. Be changed! Be available! Be used for something greater than yourself, something that will ring for all eternity, that will breath life even when your lungs breath their last.

I was born on this day 23 years ago.
I have been having encounters with death.
Oh life of God fill me up. Pour out from me into death filled places.

The Light Shines in the Darkness, but the Darkeness has not overcome it. It will never overcome it.

Birthdays