Losing Control

I think that the worst feeling a person can experience is that of their life changing while they have no say and are without any control.

Now, the "super spiritual" person (not really) would say that this is the best! Because you just have to sit back and enjoy the ride!

"God will take care of it...what God wants to happen will happen," they say.

I agree to an extent. God is in control, and if I had my say I would really mess a ton of things up....let's just say that my life would be a whole lot more dysfunctional than it already is! But there is a catch that I think a lot of people miss.

We have choices. And so do other people.

Did God want my father to leave my family? No. Did it happen? Yes.
Was I affected, was my life changed, did I feel out of control? Yes to all accounts.

I can live with my choices! I can live with the consequences that come from my decisions. The reason I can embrace this so freely is because I desire to please God and I listen for His voice. If I disobey I know that it is God's love that will embrace me, even in discipline- I know that I will be strengthened and grow through my decisions. I can anticipate the hurt that is to come.

The problem I have with having to live with other people's decisions is that I can never anticipate the hurt. I am blindsided.

I know that God works all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. The issue lies in the fact that you actually have to live life. In hindsight I am able to see God's hand at work in taking my father's decisions and taming the destruction that desired to have my family, so that guided transformation could take place. But we are still broken people. Life happens. You break. God uses situations to mold you. But you can still be crushed.

One of the most unsettling things is when you are unable to see the good that God is going to bring about. You are stuck in your situation, in the pain that comes from the choices of others, in the pain that comes from mistakes you never think can be redeemed.

There is nothing more fragile than a heart that is losing hope. There is nothing more deadly than a heart without hope.

Sometimes it seems as if you have to talk yourself into hope. But what happens when your hope is the very thing that was crushed, gasping for breath?

There is no hope that is secure except the hope that comes in the truth of Jesus Christ. I am finding this to be so true. People will fail you, abandon you, reject you, inflict pain upon you, and you will do all of those very same things to yourself. Jesus is not like us. He is different. He is secure. He is worth it.

If you find it the most difficult thing in the world to hope in something. If visioning another day simply takes everything out of you. Jesus is worth it.

Fight, do all that is required, feel the pain of reviving hope. Because Jesus is worth it.

Jesus, in you and you alone are we secure.