He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering.
Like one from whom men hide their faces
he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
-Isaiah 53:3
Life has been rough lately.
You can only take so many shots until you're keeled over in the dirt.
Before I go on to sound like Debbie Downer (this blog will get better I promise!), let me just say that God is still God, and He is good.
Let me continue...
I am 23.
I don't have a job. I have no leads. I have dreams.
I don't have a car. (I have money for a nice down payment but without a job...you know)
I've lost the majority of my best friends, my girlfriend, and my direction in the blink of an eye. (it was actually about 5 days...it was a really long blink)
I am fairly certain that TLC wrote that "Scrub"s song as a prophesy about me. In all fairness though, I'm not really hollering at girls from the passenger side of my best friend's ride...because he is not here.
I have no idea where I am going. Well, I might have an idea...
I said all that to say this. As of late, I have been a man of much sorrow.
I was sitting by myself the other day thinking about how I have been really sad lately, when a verse came to my mind (I think it was God). The verse I am talking about is the one where Jesus is described as a man of sorrows. That made me excited! I am becoming more like Jesus...in really sucky ways! j/k haha I was actually really encouraged!
I was telling my mom that I found it kind of funny how one of the main characteristics of Jesus was that he was a man of sorrow. He was described by sadness. I wonder why he was described like that? One of his main characteristics!
I am a vulnerable person. Probably more so than most.
I try to be really transparent with people. I share my life like it is a gift for the world. I share my weaknesses, I share my gifts, I share my story...I am an open book for all men to read. I am a target for heartbreak, a target for rejection. I think that I am starting to realize that even more.
I think that when you are an open person, when you try to love unconditionally, you are leaving yourself open for a lot of hurt and a lot of disappointment. The problem is, there is no other way to live if you want to see the world changed. There is no other way to live if you want to genuinely love. I think that people take for granted how much broken people have gone through, especially men- people forget that we hurt. They assume we can take it, and we do...but it crushes us. The redeeming thing is, we allow God to take those hurts (through a lot of arguing, counseling, pain) and we find Him making something beautiful out of it, in time.
I think I am going to experience a lot more hurts in life. Now, I might right a rebuttal blog in a couple of months...this is just initial thoughts...so bare with me as I work this out. When you are giving your life for people, people often/most times will hurt you. I think that when it is the deepest part of you, the story of your pain and God's victory, it hurts a bit more.
I know that this is not a complete post...it is kind of rambling...I guess you can kind of call it another facet of my open book life.
God, give us joy amidst the pain. Strength amidst the sorrow. Hope amidst the confusion.
Psalm 73:25-26
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
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